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People Pleasing

Updated: Aug 7, 2022

Why You Must Stop!

As children, we quickly learn that when we please the authorities in our world - parents, teachers, etc - we receive their love, approval and attention. We like their affection, and aim to please them again and again to continue getting more of it . That pattern leads many of us to develop a belief that love, approval and attention ONLY comes by pleasing others. And, we become dependent on people-pleasing to feel good about ourselves. You may be a people-pleaser if you: - Do things you don’t want to do just to accommodate others. - Defer to other people’s opinions when making decisions. - Don’t speak up about what you want. The problem with people-pleasing is that it prevents you from living the life you really want. It’s exhausting trying to guess what will please other people so they will love and approve of you. Besides, we don’t have control over what people think of us, much less how they respond to us. People-pleasers function out of feelings of obligation, to do what others want. Obligation breeds resentment and bitterness in relationships - and that never feels good. Ultimately, people-pleasing is hurting you! But, just because you have been a people-pleaser in the past, it doesn’t mean you are doomed to be one forever. You can start shifting your people-pleasing patterns by: - Recognizing the harm it causes you. - Reminding yourself that it’s not the responsibility of others to make you feel valued. Only you can do that. - Rediscover what you really want. What pleases you? - Respond to others in honesty. Learn how to voice your needs and wants. It takes conscious effort, but with practice, you can kick the harmful habit of people-pleasing.

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